Reaction Time
by Lara-Van
Summary: Linderman made Jessica an offer she couldn't refuse... But she did refuse it. A kind of characterpiece on the relationship between Niki and Jessica. Oneshot songfic.


**A Note From Lara: Okay, I know I'm not the only one who's been mourning Niki since last year. She was my favorite character (Peter excepted), and I thought that her journey over the course of the first season was probably one of the most profound things I've ever seen. **

**Therefore, as a much-belated tribute to Niki, I'm writing this songfic about her inner battle with Jessica in the moments after Linderman offered Jessica money to kill DL. The song is 'Chemicals React' by Aly & AJ. I know, I know, it's pop, but the lyrics seem to define both Niki's relationship with DL, and her relationship with Jessica, so...**

--

"Four million dollars to kill your husband... and walk away." Jessica stared at the mobster, a slow smile twisting her face as she considered it. God, it would be such torture to DL, watching her as she decided his fate.

Inside her, Niki was screaming.

**You make me feel out of my element**

**like I'm walking on broken glass**

**like my worlds spinnin' in slow motion**

**and you're movin' too fast**

_No, Jessica!_ she whispered. _No. I love him. Don't you?_

Ah, now that was the question, wasn't it? Niki did. She always had, even as she had been framing him for the murders of his team. But that hadn't _been_ Niki, not really. It had been her. The strong one, the one who would do what it took to keep Micah safe, to get them what they needed to get by. No, Jessica decided. She didn't love DL. She respected him for his strength, but she didn't love him.

Everything that had happened in the last few weeks had been leading up to this moment. Jessica was a woman of action, but Niki... poor little Niki... She was holding her back, physically forcing their hand away from the gun on the table. _Niki! It's four million! Enough to set you and Micah up in comfort for the rest of your lives!_

_No. No, you _can't! _Micah would be devastated._

_You could send him to private school. He could finally get the education he deserves._

Jessica could feel their body quivering with the stress of the decision. She considered the gun, smiling slightly in anticipation. Everything Niki had ever wanted was just one bullet away from them.

**Were you right?**

**Was I wrong?**

**Were you weak? **

**Was I strong?**

_No, Jessica!_ Niki screamed inside their head.

_You're _weak_ Niki, you won't make the right decision, _Jessica countered. _This is for me to decide. I'm strong enough to make the tough choices for you. I'm strong enough to do the hard things._

Suddenly, a great surge of defiance rose up from somewhere within Niki, and Jessica was dragged back into a deep well in their shared psyche.

**Both of us broken,**

**caught in the moment.**

**We lived and we loved**

**and we hurt and we jumped.**

Jessica saw the day Niki met DL, when they were still so young. Just out of high school, and they had met in a bar where Niki went so often to drown her sorrows. It had been before those sorrows were strong enough to bring Jessica to the surface.

DL was trouble, it was obvious. His friends weren't the sort that Niki's wealthy father would ever have approved of. His "job" was dangerous and not to mention highly illegal. Jessica had known this, had seen it from Niki's memories.

But what she had never seen, had never known, was what _Niki_ had seen. What Niki had felt. No, Jessica had never loved DL. But Niki had seen past the rough exterior, seen the good heart within, and fallen hard for the sensitive man he really was.

**But the planets all aligned**

**when you looked into my eyes.**

**And just like that,**

**The chemicals react.**

**The chemicals react.**

How had she missed this? How had she not seen how much DL had meant to Niki? All of the troubles that had come from their actions, framing DL for those murders... She had tried so hard to repair the damage. She had tried to compensate for Niki's stupid, _stupid_ move, asking Linderman for money. None of the things she'd done had gotten them out of their trouble. Not sleeping with Nathan Petrelli. Not killing those men.

She had thought it was Niki's weakness, sabotaging her efforts. But this was the root of the problem, wasn't it? Without DL, their strange, twisted little family didn't work, and she'd just been denying it, because of what had happened.

**you make me feel out of my element**

**like I'm drifting out to the sea.**

When they were just little girls, Niki and Jessica. Twin sisters. But something had gone horribly, horribly wrong. Their father had been a drinker. He had been in a rage one night, and something had happened. He had begun tormenting little Niki, hitting her, bruising her pale skin.

And Jessica, the stronger sister, the defender, had stepped between them. And Niki had cried as their father beat her to death.

**Like the tides pullin' me in deeper**

**making it harder to breathe.**

She was not Jessica. Not the real one, not the girl who had died. She was the part of Niki that had been there that horrific night, the strongest part of her that could bear the knowledge of what their father had done. From that night on, she had been separate, keeping Niki safe, making sure, always, that what had happened to Jessica would not happen again. And she had taken the name of their sister, as a reminder of her purpose.

But somewhere along the line, she had lost sight of that. She was here to protect Niki. But the danger wasn't DL. Niki _loved_ DL. No, the dangerous one here was Linderman, the one who had abducted their son. He was the one whose poisonous words would kill them all if she didn't stop it.

**we cannot deny, **

**how we feel inside**

**we cannot deny**

"Niki, babe, don't do it!"

DL's words were just a slight hum in her ears as she steeled herself.

"Like any woman whose life has been ruined by a man, all Jessica wants is security. Money can buy that."

**Were you right? **

**Was I wrong?**

**Were you weak? **

**Was I strong? **

She closed her eyes, forcing her heart to stop beating so wildly. _Niki..._

_Yes?_

_You were right, all along, weren't you? You wanted to believe in DL. You wanted to have the same faith in him Micah did. But I wouldn't let you._

_No. You wouldn't._

There was silence, inside and outside.

**Yeah, both of us broken,**

**caught in the moment.**

_Are you going to do it?_ Niki asked. Her inner voice sounded terrified.

_No._

**We lived and we loved**

**and we hurt and we joked.**

**But the planets all aligned**

**when you looked into my eyes,**

**and just like that**

**the chemicals react.**

**The chemicals react.**

_But... why? I thought... after what happened to you... to us... you would..._

_I know. I want to. But I'm here to be the strong one. And killing DL wouldn't be strong. It would be weak. Cowardly. Because your love for him scares me. That would be the real reason I'd be doing it. Not the money. Not to get Linderman off our back, but because he means so much to you that..._

_You? Scared? _Niki scoffed.

_I'm not important if you don't need me. And DL gives you strength, the way you feel about him makes you strong enough to continue. Without me, maybe._

**Kaleidoscope of colors,**

**turning hopes on fire, sun is burning**

**shining down on both of us.**

**Don't let us lose it.**

Niki was radiating joy. She needed no words to communicate what she meant. Jessica understood. She was doing the right thing.

**Were you right? **

**Was I wrong?**

**Were you weak? **

**Was I strong?**

Something occurred to Niki then. _Without you? What do you mean?_

_I don't think you need me now. I think you can protect yourself now. And DL's a good man. He'll keep you safe._

_But... Jessica, you've done bad things. Things I couldn't have done. But I don't know if I'm ready to be without you yet._

_Maybe, maybe not. But that's what real strength is, Niki. When we let go of our safety nets and go off into the world without them. My anger and grief was my safety net. I'm letting go, and I need you to let go too._

**Both of us broken,**

**caught in the moment.**

**we lived and we loved**

**and we hurt and we jed, **

_I'll miss you_, Niki whispered.

_Me too, Niki. But don't miss me too much. I've made you do things... things that may have been mistakes. I haven't done you a whole lot of good, in the end._

**We lived**

**we loved**

Jessica looked up, staring straight into Linderman's eyes.

**We hurt**

**we jumped**

"I want to take the money..."

**We're right**

**we're wrong**

"...I really do..."

**We're weak**

**we're strong**

**we live to love**

"...but Niki wouldn't."

**But the planets all aligned**

**When you looked into my eyes,**

Jessica closed her eyes, and gasped as oblivion crushed her. Niki was free.

**And just like that**

**Watch the chemicals react.**

**And just like that,**

**the chemicals react.**

**The chemicals react.**

--

**Alright, that was my first songfic. I don't really think it was that good. When I started it, I had a really good vision of the mindset and emotional conflict in this piece, but I think I lost it somewhere along the way.**

**Oh well, tell me what you think!**


End file.
